Heaven
by Italian-Rose-xxx
Summary: AE Shmuel dies after an attempt to run away goes disatrously awry. Bruno moves back to Berlin, missing his best friend for life then tries to wash his guilt away. Drabble/Bruno's POV T


_Live Again_

_Author's Note:- Just thought I'd try some fanfic for my fave movie (well, one of them) Alternate Ending_

_Summary:- He's gone, Shmuel and it's all his fault. He can't forgive himself._

Why was I so stupid? He's gone, my best friend for life and it's all my fault.

Everything here in Berlin is shattered, everything in my room is broken, hurled across the room in a fit of rage after he was killed.

Shmuel didn't deserve to die. If anything, it should be me that's gone, not him.

Shmuel was always the smart one, always. He told me running away was a bad idea and I should have listened to him. Instead, I acted on impulse (which I'm never going to do again) and he had to suffer for it.

Gun shots reverberate in my ears every night while I sleep. He's all I ever dream about now. I see him, running and I run after him. It never takes me long to reach him. And he stands there, arms spread as though he wants to be held. And I am ready, ready to take him in my arms, apologise for everything and never, ever let him out of my embrace.

But then he vanishes, emphereal as the mist. Trickles through my fingers whenever I try to touch him.

All that's left of him are memories. And when I wake, all I have are memories. I wake to a world devoid of happiness. I wake to a never-ending sea of guilt.

And I wake to life.

Shmuel always wondered whether there was a heaven and whether he would go there. Looking back, I remember laughing and telling him he was stupid. Of course there was a heaven. Of course he would get in.

Now, having watched my best friend die, watched him crumple to the ground in front of me, I am not so sure.

I know I will not get in. I am a murderer. I shot a man in cold blood. Perhaps you could forgive me, for he was also the same man that shot my best friend.

The memory of that day haunts me. It will always haunt me.

_Shmuel and I are running, feet pounding against the hard grass. He's panting, hand clutched to his chest._

_'Come, on!' I snap exasperatedly, pulling him. _

_'Bruno, we shouldn't. It's too dangerous. If they catch us, we'll be in trouble, big trouble.'_

_I roll my eyes, then shake my head at him. He's just not used to freedom, not used to this exhilaration._

_I can see home up ahead. We will make it, we will get out of here._

_He can come to Berlin and meet my friends, we can play together, properly._

_Proper games, not just sitting and talking._

_We do not make it home. We do not make it even a quarter of a mile away from the camp._

_'Well, well, what have we here.'_

_Lieutenant Kotler. He starts walking towards us, smiling slightly._

_'You weren't thinking of running away, were you, now?' he asks Shmuel, who looks up at him with terrified eyes._

_'I... well, I... I'm sorry, sir.'_

_Lieutenant Kotler and Shmuel stare at each other. I am left forgotten on the sidelines._

_'You know what happens to little rats who try to run.'_

_He takes out his gun, points the revolver straight at Shmuel's chest._

_'No, please, noooooooooooooooooooooooooooo!'_

_Shmuel's scream is drowned out by the sound of the gun shot. He stares in horror at his chest, before he crumples and I catch him before he hits the ground._

_Lieutenant's Kotler drops his gun in sick satisfaction, then turns to me. 'Come, on Bruno.'_

_I shake my head, then pick up the gun that lies by my feet. I raise it to his chest._

_And I pull the trigger. Again and again and again. Pull it so there is nothing more than a bloody mess lying crumpled on the floor._

_Then I lay myself skin to skin with Shmuel, empty warm tears on his body, scream his name over and over in choppy misunderstandable sentences. _

I once had something that I think was called innocence. It's gone now, in every sense of the word.

I have to hide behind this masquerade now. I go to school, play with what were once my friends and go home. Say I'm studying with the door closed. Say I'm reading books about the Fatherland. In reality, I am crying alone in a darkened room, the curtains closed, choking out Shmuel's name again and again, retching with guilt.

I cannot live with-out him. I cannot function, cannot breath, sleep, laugh. Not with-out my Shmuel.

We are like Romeo and Juliet, only with two friends, instead of lovers.

000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000

The walk to the river is long, my feet are aching before I even reach the banks.

I step in, wade in until it is up to my thighs, then start splashing myself with water.

Need to clean. Wash all the ugliness away. Wash myself away. Wash what I've done away.

Something catches onto my feet and I scream.

I am being pulled, dragged under the water.

Water seeps into me, fills me up.

I cannot breathe. I cannot breathe.

Was this what Shmuel felt, right before he died?

This unnatural fear, this pain, crushing your chest.

Death.

A hidden demon that took my Shmuel.

He is standing in front of me again. Just like in my dreams, he wants me to run, to chase him.

And so I oblige.

He is faster than me, but I run anyway.

My feet pound against soft luscious grass, blue sky above me. All that's left of happiness.

I will wake up again, Shmuel will disappear from existence forever.

After some running, Shmuel turns to me.

'See, Bruno, there really is a heaven! All this time, I knew you were right!'

He laughs, the sun beating down on him, bathing him in perfect golden light. I laugh too, it's me and Shmuel now and an Eden that's full focused on us.

And through my laughter I can here my mother screaming my name and my sister crying and whispering, 'Bruno, are you okay, are you okay?'

But my laughter and the taste of the sunshine and the saltiness of my own tears fill my mouth so that I cannot answer, cannot tell them her that yes, I am all right, I am all right.

_Finished. I let you decide whether this was just a dream or whether Bruno is really dead._

_Please review._


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